5 Ways to Have Deeper Conversations

In September, my friend Shell called and said, “I had some tests run recently and I wanted to share the results with you. It’s cancer. I’m calling you because I believe you are one of the few people in my life who actually cares about me.”

While it is absolutely true that I cared about Shell, I was taken aback and saddened by her comment. Shell and I were not exactly bosom buddies. We’d worked together many years ago, hit it off, and continued to meet for lunch a couple of times per year. That’s it.

How was spending just a few hours together per year (!!!) enough to make me one of the few people who cared?

Clearly, we packed those few hours with substance. Shell typically did most of the talking — but in her defense, I asked a lot of questions. And perhaps, therein lies the answer.

How do you have conversations that strengthen connections and address real issues? Ask better questions.

Regardless of your role, you need accurate information and good working relationships in order to succeed. Asking good questions gets you both. According to a Harvard Business School study, one of the most common complaints made about conversations is that people don’t ask enough questions. So, just start asking!