Building Trust

When there’s a mismatch between your words and your nonverbal communication… which do people believe?

This morning, I told one of my daughters that she couldn’t do something she wanted to do. Cue the slumped shoulders, angry brow, and stony silence.

At first I let her be, giving her space to have her emotions. After awhile, I broached the subject of what was upsetting her.

“Nothing’s upsetting me! I’m FINE.” Sigh. Eye roll. Slump.

You don’t need a bunch of scientific studies (though there are plenty out there) to prove that your nonverbals are the weightiest part of your communication. You know from experience that when there is a mismatch between what you say with your words and what you say with your body, people trust the nonverbals every single time. You can’t say “I’m fine” with your mouth and “I’m angry” with your body and expect people to believe you. You can’t say “I’m confident” with your mouth and “I’m unsure” with your body and expect people to believe you. You can’t say “I’m a good person” with your mouth and “I’m out to get you” with your body and expect people to believe you.

Be honest in your verbal communication. Be congruent in your nonverbal communication. Make sure that what you say is what you mean, both verbally and nonverbally.

Change your communication, change your life.

(P.S. It took a little while, but my daughter and I talked through the emotions and before long she really WAS fine. 😉)

I’m Rachel Beohm, a writer, speaker, and coach. Through nonverbal communication, I empower clients to show up as their biggest, boldest selves.

If you’d like tips on how to do that yourself, sign up here for “21 Days to Build a Better Life.” It’s a FREE 3-week email coaching program that I wrote to help you change your communication and your life.