How to Be: Three Life-Changing Lessons from a Remarkable Woman

With these three attributes, you can navigate life with grace and charisma.

About a month ago, I lost my mentor and dear friend, Mary Kogen. Mary was, on the surface, my college piano and pedagogy teacher. She taught me technique and chord progressions, how to break the binding of your music so it would lie flat (I was horrified), which Chopin piece to introduce first to young students (the a-minor Waltz, fyi), sightreading and keyboard skills, the pronunciation and meaning of “appoggiatura,” when and how to use the una corda pedal, and a million other things you’d expect from a college music professor. All interesting and useful, if you’re going to be a piano teacher or performer… but not the least bit life-changing.

What Mary really taught me, was how to be. She taught this through direct instruction in piano lessons and classes, as well as through the books she chose as required reading (sooooooo many good books!). But mostly, she taught me by being herself.

I could probably write a book myself on everything I learned from Mary, but for now I’ll share the three things that most dramatically affected my teaching, my coaching, my communication, and my life. All three touch upon your ability to learn, to connect with others, to capitalize on opportunities, and to make an impact in the…