How to Use (and NOT Use) Humor

Nothing adds life to your conversations, presentations, and relationships like laughter. But humor can backfire. Here’s what to do and what to avoid.

Once, when I was about 13, I was trapped in the crossfire between my arguing parents. We were driving; I was in the front seat between them when the shouting started. I tried to shrink myself deeper and deeper into the seat cushions as their yelling got louder and more intense over my head. Soon, it turned into personal insults. My dad yelled “Bitch!” and I did the only thing I could think of to divert attention: I laughed.

It was a quiet, shaky, nervous laugh. I could barely make any sound. It worked — they stopped yelling at each other. My dad began rambling on another topic while my mom looked out the window in stony silence. It worked… but I felt absolutely SLIMY. I felt like I’d thrown my mom under the bus and fraudulently purchased an uneasy “peace.” The memory still makes my stomach turn.

Of course, laughter and humor can be wonderful. Laughter reduces stress and improves health. It can form bonds and relieve tension. It adds life to conversations and presentations, making them more memorable and meaningful. Learning to use humor effectively is a great communication tool. Yet not all humor is helpful or appropriate. How can you tell when and whether to use humor? Here’s a rule of…