The Authenticity vs. Confidence Conundrum
Is it inauthentic to project confidence in a job interview when you’re nervous?
We all know what it’s like to try to put yourself out there, day after day, when you’re looking for a job. It wears on your soul! The job hunting process can be a huge drain on your time, your energy, and your psyche (your sense of self). In any interaction, the higher the stakes, or the higher our hopes, the harder it can be to let go and show up as ourselves. Our desire to control and to “win” often hinders our ability to be authentic.
And yet, the higher the stakes, the more imperative it is that we DO show up as a real person. Allowing your true personality to shine through piques interest, engenders trust, enables connections and makes you memorable. A soulless automaton may be able to get the job done, but doesn’t make much of an impression. You have to be REAL.
When I say “be real,” though, I DON’T mean “be transparent.” Being real doesn’t mean you have to put all your nervousness and self-doubt on display. Your character, your personality, your experience and education, your life story — all of those things are inextricably part of you. They are what make you uniquely you. Own them, celebrate them, and bring them to your interview, your sales presentation, your negotiation, or whatever high stakes interaction you’re heading into. Instead of putting on a false front in order to make a good impression, just bring the best version of your real, true self.
People sometimes think, though, that in order to be authentic they need to communicate every thought or feeling that goes through them. But thoughts and feelings are fleeting. Are they real? Yes. Do they define you? No. Just because you’re nervous or embarrassed or frustrated or impatient doesn’t mean you have to share it. And if you choose not to share your emotions when they likely won’t be received well, that’s not inauthenticity. That’s wisdom.
There’s a lot of talk in the business world these days about vulnerability. And I’m a huge proponent of the concept, too. One of my all-time favorite TED talks is Brene Brown’s “The Power of Vulnerability.” Many times, we alienate people by trying to come across as stronger than we are. So yes, there definitely is a time to show your weak, vulnerable side; sometimes that’s exactly what you need to do to foster connections, encourage authenticity in others, and increase their receptivity to you. However, you must have permission. Usually, you DON’T in a job interview. The hiring manager wants to know you’ve got this. They want to know your strengths and skills. They want to see you shine. They want to find out if you’re worth investing in. They want to know you can handle the stress and the pressure.
To be successful, whether at a job interview or a client meeting or a press conference, you need both authenticity AND confidence. And that can be tricky, because sometimes those feel like opposites. When your stomach is doing somersaults from nervousness or your chest is tightening from anxiety, being bold doesn’t feel very authentic. But remember: Your identity is much, much bigger than whatever’s going through your mind and body right now. Who are you really? What are you about? Remind yourself of your strengths, your personality traits, your core values… Staying in touch with those will make both authenticity AND confidence much easier to communicate!
Whatever you feel, feel it. Fully. Whether or not you express those feelings, however, depends on whether or not it’s appropriate to the situation. In a job interview, present your most confident self.
Change your communication, change your life.
I’m Rachel Beohm, a writer, speaker, and coach. Through nonverbal communication, I empower clients to show up as their biggest, boldest selves.
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