What is Your Self-Worth Built On?

Big life changes, loss, and conflict can all upend your sense of self. To navigate life’s bumps, make sure your identity is built on a rock solid foundation.

The other day, I was playing the piano when my daughter bumped my elbow. Suddenly, I lost the right notes. The harder I tried, the worse it sounded. One little bump, and I was knocked completely off “course” and had to start over.

Life is full of bumps. Most are minor knocks you hardly notice. But sometimes even a little thing-missing an appointment, a disagreement with your neighbor, making a wrong turn-can throw you off balance and make your whole sense of self wobble. What you see doesn’t line up with what you expected of yourself. And big life changes-losing a job, losing a loved one, or even something wonderful like a big promotion and pay raise-can completely upend the apple cart. You can start to second guess yourself.

Times like these test your foundation. What is your sense of self built on? If your identity is built on external things like achievements and accomplishments and the praise of others, it will take very little to knock you off balance. Those evaporate almost instantly in the face of a big life change. They lose meaning and value before you realize what even hit you. If, for example, your identity is built on making Dad proud, who are you when Dad is gone?