What to do When You’re Anger’s Target

In my last article, I wrote about how to manage your anger at work. But (just a wild guess here) it’s not like you’re the only one who ever gets angry. It comes with the territory for humans, which means it’s normal for you — and everyone around you — to get mad sometimes.

While anger is a standard human emotion, how people express it varies wildly. In the best case scenario, others share their emotional response honestly without being abusive, destructive, or accusatory. Even then, it still doesn’t feel great to be on the receiving end. No one wakes up in the morning thinking, “I hope someone gets mad at me today!”

It feels even worse when anger isn’t expressed constructively. Toxic anger can be used to intimidate and bully others. In the survey I conducted, I heard all sorts of stories of angry outbursts in the workplace: yelling, screaming, slamming doors, pounding desks, shattering office equipment, throwing things, punching walls… How does witnessing that affect you? Some participants said they felt scared, others humiliated or enraged. Almost everyone said that violent explosions “paralyzed the whole room” and left everyone on edge.

Work should be a safe place; these outbursts put your body and brain in a state of emergency. However, unlike animals who calmly go back to grazing once a threat has passed, humans ruminate and…